


Aftermath

by Aki (Akiko_Natsuko)



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Angst, Assassination, Blood, Canonical Character Death, Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Loss, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-08-20 10:12:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16553837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Aki
Summary: 365 days...an entire year to prepare them for the day they completed their job, but nothing had prepared them for the pain that followed and Nagisa is struggling more than anyone in the immediate aftermath, teetering on an edge that Karma is desperate to pull them both away from.





	Aftermath

   Karma was the first to move, tears still streaming down his cheeks despite his best efforts to stop them. He wasn’t ready to move, he wasn’t ready to deal with what they had just done and what they had just lost, even if he had pretended otherwise before, but he couldn’t sit there and listen to Nagisa’s heartbroken wails any longer. He had been stunned when the smaller teen had asked them to let him be the one to do it, well aware that even after everything that had happened over the last few days, Nagisa had still harboured the hope that they would be able to save Koro-Sensei. That Nagisa had wanted to be a saviour and not a killer, and Karma wished that he could have stepped up and taken that burden from him, whilst another part…a larger part that he didn’t want to face, had been relieved that Nagisa had spoken up. At some point the Octopus…and Nagisa…had well and truly slipped through his barriers, and tonight had left him feeling raw and vulnerable, his heart aching in a way that he had never thought possible.

   However, it was too late to change what had happened. Koro-Sensei was gone, dying with a smile on his face and now not even the sparks that had ben released on his death remained. He was gone, and they had to find a way to accept that fact, and the role that they’d played in it.

    He rubbed briefly at his cheeks even though he knew that it was fruitless effort, feeling fresh tears immediately falling to replace the ones he’d just wiped away, before he slowly pushed himself to his feet, golden eyes dark as he glanced over the rest of the class. At the start of the year they had all imagined that this would be a happy moment, a moment of relief and pride and yet not a single person had dry eyes, everyone hunkered in on themselves as though that would help to keep the pain at bay. His gaze drifted briefly to their other teachers. Bitch-sensei was obviously sobbing, her face pressed against Karasuma’s chest, clutching at him as though that was the only thing keeping her upright and even Karasuma’s stoic mask had cracked, tears brimming in the dark eyes as he met Karma’s gaze for a moment.

_So, this is what victory feels like._

    Karma took a deep breath before moving forward, briefly resting a hand on Kayano’s shoulder as he passed her, but she was still too lost in her own grief to notice and he sighed, wondering how long it would take them all to move past this. _If they…we…can._ His attention now was on Nagisa, heart aching at how broken his friend looked, fingers still wrapped tightly around the knife that had finished the job and his entire body shuddering under the sheer force of his sobs.

“Nagisa…” There was no response, no sign that the other teen was even aware of his presence, but Karma wasn’t fooled for a second. A year of training to be assassins meant that it was impossible to sneak up on any of them now and Nagisa had always been difficult to surprise, even before that. He hesitated for a moment before crouching down in front of Nagisa, careful not to sit on top of the empty robes that were all that remained of their teacher, reaching out and gently resting his hands-on top of the ones that were still clutching at the knife, feeling the jolt that greeted his touch. “Look at me,” he ordered softly.

    Slowly. Painfully slowly, Nagisa obeyed the quiet command and when their gazes finally met, Karma almost wished that he hadn’t. He’d seen the other teen in all kinds of states before…sad, angry, frightened… but not once had he looked this fragile, this broken and for a moment Karma froze, terrified that he might do or say the wrong thing and tip Nagisa over the edge he was teetering on. _Koro-Sensei, how do I help him?_ However, before he could come up with an answer Nagisa took the choice out of his hands, fresh tears cascading down his cheeks as he finally released his hold on the knife and toppled forward, forcing Karma to reach out and catch him. The red-head hesitated for a split second before pulling Nagisa into a tight hug.

   The smaller teen immediately buried his face against him, breaking down in a fresh fit of body-wrenching sobs and Karma felt his eyes stinging with fresh tears as he rested his head against Nagisa’s. There was nothing he could say to make this better for either of them. The pain was still too close for him to try and think of encouraging or even just reassuring words, and he knew that even if he’d had the words, Nagisa wasn’t ready to hear them. So instead he just held onto his friend, hoping that for now just being there, all their previous differences and arguments stripped away by this last act, would be enough to stop Nagisa from shattering completely.

****

_Blood._

_There was blood everywhere, all over his hands and arms and slowly soaking into the front of his clothes and he gagged at the sensation. Where was it coming from? He was terrified to look, but he knew that he had to and slowly…ever so slowly he let his gaze drift downwards, his breath hitching as he found himself staring into Koro-Sensei’s wide, dead eyes. There was no trace of the usual smile, only a pained expression that had no place on that yellow face and he felt his legs give way beneath him, flinching as he felt moisture beginning to soak into the knees of his trousers. Slowly his gaze moved lower and a sob welled up in his throat as he stared at the knife embedded in his teacher’s heart…his knife…and the whole world crashed down on him as he was hit by the realisation that this was his fault._

_I did this…_

    Nagisa jolted awake with a sharp cry, frantically checking his arms and front for blood, but there was no sign of it and for one blissful, peaceful moment he thought that maybe it had all been a dream. A nightmare. And that Koro-Sensei was still alive…that they still had time left before their deadline, time to find an alternative answer. Then he looked up, the colour draining from his face as he realised that he was in their classroom, that they were all in the classroom, everyone slumped over their desks fast asleep. _It wasn’t a dream…_ Tears blurred his vision as he glanced down at his desk, taking in the large manual he had been resting against and remembering flicking through them then night before when they had first found them, and he couldn’t stop his tears from falling as he laid his hand on the cover. Koro-Sensei had been trapped and waiting for his death, but rather than worrying about what was to come or what was going to be done to him, he had spent that time worrying about them and their future.

_And I killed him…_

   He squeezed his eyes shut, frantically trying to hold back the memories…the feel of his knife passing through the tie and then into their teacher, the warmth and light that had played across his skin as Koro-Sensei had faded from the world. _I killed him…_ It had been their aim all along. It was where his talent had laid, and why he had worked so hard to hone that part of himself, and yet all that had been left behind was an empty hole in his chest and when he forced his eyes open again he realised that he was trembling. Yes, the entire class had held Koro-Sensei down, but he had been the one to end it…he was the one who had killed their teacher. He was the one with blood on his hands.

    His stomach was churning now, tears flowing freely down his cheeks and it felt like he was about to shatter at any moment. Not wanting to wake the others, not wanting them to witness just how weak he really was, he quietly rose to his feet, wiping a hand across his face in an attempt to stall the tears before tiptoeing for the door. It was a sign of how exhausted everyone was that no one so much as stirred as he passed, and he was able to slip out without any trouble. Once in the corridor he broke into a run, wanting to get away from everyone and everything, away from the room that they would never get to share with Koro-Sensei again. A broken sob slipping free as it him yet again, that he was the one responsible for that.

_I killed him…_

**

    Nagisa’s exit hadn’t gone as unnoticed as he’d thought, golden eyes opening the moment the door had clicked shut behind him. Karma had woken when Nagisa had cried out, but something had made him wait, watching the smaller teen as surreptitiously as possible, although it had been hard to stay quiet when he’d caught a glimpse of the guilty expression on Nagisa’s face when he had glanced around the class. It had taken Nagisa a long time to cry himself out the night before, and Karma had been hoping that he would have at least let some of that guilt out with them, instead it seemed like the idiot was still trying to take everything onto himself. _We all did this…_ He sat up slowly, gaze lingering on the teacher’s desk for a moment before rising to his feet and heading after Nagisa, he’d made the mistake of letting distance come between them before, and he wasn’t going to make the same mistake again. _Besides Koro-Sensei wouldn’t approve…_

    There was no sign of Nagisa in the corridor, and Karma worried at his bottom lip for a moment before heading for the bathroom in the hopes that the other teen had holed up there. However, the bathroom was empty, and he found himself speeding up as he checked the teacher’s office and bathroom as well, an uneasy feeling forming in the pit of his stomach when there was still no sign of Nagisa. An unpleasant thought occurred to him as he turned towards the main doors, and his steps were slow and reluctant as he headed towards them…towards where they had killed Koro-Sensei. _Will we ever be able to look out there and remember happier times?_ They had made so many happy memories as a class that he feared losing, but right now he couldn’t imagine being able to see them without remembering what had happened last night and what they had done.

   Quietly he pushed the door open, surprised to discover just how light it was outside, but that thought was immediately forgotten as his gaze landed on the huddled figure in the middle of the playground. There was no sign that Koro-Sensei had even been there anymore, Karasuma and his people had clearly cleaned up to spare them having to see the empty robes again, and yet Karma felt an odd sense of loss at being unable to do it. _We owed him that much at least…_ However, he pushed that thought aside as he forced himself to move forward, gaze fixated on Nagisa and swallowing hard as he realised just how small the other boy looked at the moment.

“Nagisa?”

    Nagisa didn’t respond and it took him a moment to realise that the smaller teen wasn’t just crying, but that he was also clawing at his own arms, and his previous hesitation disappeared as he darted forward to stop him as he realised that Nagisa was close to drawing blood.

“Nagisa, stop!” He ordered, circling around so that he could drop down in front of him just as he had the night before, reaching out to grasp Nagisa’s arms, carefully keeping his fingers away from the scratches that Nagisa had managed to inflict on himself. Dazed, blue eyes rose to meet his gaze, and he had a feeling that Nagisa wasn’t really seeing him at that moment. “What are you doing?” His voice cracked with worry as he glanced down to study the damage, relieved that Nagisa hadn’t had time to go any deeper and he was startled when Nagisa actually whispered a reply.

“It won’t come off…”

“What?” Karma forced himself to ask, already having a sinking feeling that he knew that the smaller teen was talking about, and he gently tightened his hold when Nagisa went to yank his hands free. “Nagisa? What won’t come off?”

“The blood…his blood…it’s everywhere…”

    Karma closed his eyes for a moment, and he’d never wished that he’d been wrong more than he did right now. _Nagisa._ They should never have let him be the one to strike the final blow, they’d all known how he felt about Koro-Sensei…how desperately he had wanted to save him, and even though he had offered to do it, they should have stopped him and now it was too late. Taking a deep breath he opened his eyes once more, expression softening at the raw pain and guilt written across Nagisa’s face, and making sure to hold his gaze he gently lifted his friend’s arms.

“Nagisa, there isn’t any blood,” he explained softly, earning a quiet noise of protest from his friend and sighing he shifted so that he could loosely hold both of Nagisa’s hands with one hand. Making sure that Nagisa was still watching him, he began to run his fingers along one arm and then another, skirting the scratches as best as he could.

“Stop…”

“No,” Karma countered sternly, stopping Nagisa’s weak attempts to pull away with ease. “Look. Look at where I’m touching!” He ordered, and slowly Nagisa’s gaze drifted downwards and he could see the wide, blue eyes tracing the path that his fingers were taking, and his voice was gentler as he added. “There’s no blood.” No wonder the other teen had woken with a cry if that was the kind of thought circling in his head, goodness knows what kind of nightmares he’d managed to have. _I should never have left him alone last night…_ But he hadn’t been in any state to think ahead to what Nagisa’s reaction would be once the initial shock had worn off, not that it made it any easier to watch fresh tears dripping down his friend’s cheeks.

“But…I killed him!” Nagisa cried out, shaking his head wildly from side to side, trying to stop Karma’s words from taking hold. _I killed him…I have his blood on my hands,_ he couldn’t let himself forget that, he didn’t deserve to forget that and his voice broke as he added quietly. “I killed Koro-Sensei.”

“We…We killed Koro-Sensei,” Karma corrected him, his expression tightening as his gaze strayed to the spot where he had sat the night before, their teacher’s tentacle trapped beneath him. There had been no thrill, no relief, no satisfaction in having their seemingly indestructible teacher beneath him and at their mercy. Instead it had felt like a hollow achievement and now in the harsh light of morning it felt worse, and it took him a couple of attempts to get his voice to work again. “We held him down, his blood is just as much on our hands as yours. And Nagisa?”

“What…?”

“It’s on his hands as well,” Karma replied, already knowing that Nagisa wasn’t going to like his answer and he was unsurprised when Nagisa yanked himself free with a shout of protest.

“No!”

“He was ready to die,” Karma didn’t let his voice rise, keeping it soft and gentle as he met Nagisa’s wild gaze, well aware that for once the other was going to be the more volatile of the two. “He wanted use to be the ones to kill him, he didn’t want his life to go to the government or any other assassins. He wanted it to be us…and I think the fact that it was you that finished it, meant the world to him.” He had seen it, the look of pure satisfaction that had flickered across their teacher’s face when Nagisa’s voice had cut through the silence, offering to be the one to finish things.

“I…”

“I’m not saying that you should forget what happened or what we did,” Karma cut across him, knowing that he needed to hear those words just as much as Nagisa did…that everyone did. It would be so easy to try and block out last night, but that wasn’t what their teachers had taught them to do, and it would be wrong to forget the bits they didn’t like. “But this…” He continued gently, reaching out once more to grasp his friend’s arms, relieved when Nagisa made no attempt to escape him. “This isn’t the way to do it, and it’s not what Koro-Sensei would want for you.”

“I know…” Nagisa whispered, sniffling slightly, tears still trickling down his cheeks. “I-I though once that I could do it, that I could be an assassin, that I would be able to kill him…and others without hesitation…but Karma…” He trailed off, shuddering as he shook his head again, unable to put the rest of his thoughts into words. _I can’t. I can’t get rid of my bloodlust, even now I can feel it hidden away beneath everything else…but I don’t think I will ever be able to release it again, not like this…not with a smile on my face._

“Shh, it’s okay,” Karma reassured him, hearing the unspoken words and pulling him into a hug, letting Nagisa bury his face against him, lifting one hand to play with sleep-mussed bangs as he continued softly. “You already chose a new path didn’t you? One that Koro-Sensei was really happy about.” _Was…_ They were all going to need to get used to saying that, but it felt so alien to be referring to their teacher in the past tense when his presence was very much still with them.

“Yeah…” Nagisa could still remember the beaming smile that had greeted his declaration that he wanted to become a teacher, and he had found several pages of teaching tips in the back of his manual. _‘An Insider’s Guide,’_ Koro-Sensei had titled it and despite his tears, Nagisa felt a small smile tugging at his lips. _Right to the end you were doing everything to each us…I guess that I should be happy to know that in a small way we were able to make you happy, even if it was at the end._ His smile faded at that and he pressed closer to Karma, taking a moment as he gathered his courage. “You know…” He pulled back just enough to peer up at the red-head, who gave a small hum of encouragement but didn’t speak, apparently sensing that Nagisa couldn’t be interrupted if he was going to get his out. “When I v-volunteered to do it…it was your words that I heard.

“My words?”

“When we were on the space station,” Nagisa explained, feeling a pang at the thought that, that amazing trip which had given them a way to save Koro-Sensei had all been for naught in the end. _Did he know that even when he let us go?_ He couldn’t let himself think about that, and instead he refocused on Karma who was staring down at him with wide eyes. “You asked if I would be happy if the data saved Koro-Sensei, before asking what he would really want…” He hadn’t had an answer back then, partly because he didn’t know, but also because he hadn’t wanted to think about what the answer might be. It had been selfish, but at that moment all he’d been able to focus on was the thought of saving their teacher. “I didn’t have an answer back then, but standing there with time running out…and the look on his face, I knew that you were right…that this ending was the one he wanted…and…”

“It would have been selfish to deny him that…” Karma finished for him and Nagisa gave a tiny nod, curling against the red-head and burying his face once more. It had been what had spurred him to offer his blade…to go through with it… after everything Koro-Sensei had done for their class and for him personally, he hadn’t felt that he had the right to deny him anything, no matter how much he…they didn’t want to do it.

    Nagisa was weeping again, but this time it felt more cleansing and as he pressed his face against Karma to try and hide them, he felt tears that didn’t belong to him landing on his head. He didn’t try to look, even when he heard Karma sniffling, the arms around him tightening, knowing that they both needed this and instead he wrapped his own arms around the taller teen. Above them the sky was growing brighter, the sun rising and bathing them with a warm light that was reminiscent of the one that had washed over them the night before when Koro-Sensei had been fading from sight, and to Nagisa it felt like their teacher was wrapping them in a hug even now, and from the way Karma had stiffened he’d felt the same thing. Slowly they parted, just enough to meet each other’s gaze, watery smiles managing to break through their tears as they spoke in unison.

“Thank you…Koro-Sensei.”

 


End file.
